Understanding the Situation

How can I encourage my partner to dominate me? To provide some context: I am a transman who enjoys anal play, and my partner identifies as non-binary. We’ve had numerous discussions about how much it excites me, but they struggle to adopt the right mindset. Their jokes during sex can be distracting and take me out of the moment.

This is all new for them. They’ve never been the dominant partner before, and despite being together for over a year, there’s been little progress. I’ve tried to be patient, providing resources and maintaining open communication.

While we’ve talked about possibly opening our relationship in the future, for now, I really need to experience being dominated without feeling anxious about their lack of enthusiasm.

I often initiate sex, which makes me feel undesired and impacts my self-esteem and body dysphoria. Despite countless conversations, not much has changed.

Encouraging Comfort and Initiation

How can I help them feel more comfortable and tap into their dominant side? How can I encourage them to initiate intimacy and take this seriously?

At some point, action is necessary. You’ve communicated your desires clearly, emphasizing how important being dominated is for both your pleasure and identity. You’ve been patient and used non-confrontational language. If you haven’t already, have another conversation to express the gravity of the situation.

Though you want to feel anxious-free, remember that your partner is likely anxious too, which might explain their jokes and hesitation. They are doing this for you, and initially, it might feel awkward. Embrace the nervousness as part of the journey.

Practical Steps to Explore Dominance

Scheduling specific times may increase anxiety. Instead, when you’re both relaxing, try initiating intimacy by addressing them with a dominant title. Choose titles that suit their comfort, such as Daddy, Sir, Your Majesty, etc. Let them know how you’d like to be addressed.

During intimacy, you might need to guide them: “Slap my ass,” “harder,” “choke me,” etc. Although it’s not ideal for a sub to direct a Dom, they may need initial guidance.

Respecting Limits and Making Decisions

If your partner remains uncomfortable, they may not be a natural top/Dom. Respect their boundaries. Then, consider your options: Is opening your relationship sooner an option? Can you stay fulfilled with your partner without these needs met? Will this lead to dissatisfaction or resentment?

Since being dominated is crucial for your identity as a transman, you may need to decide if this relationship can continue in its current form. Ultimately, The choice is yours.