Welcome to Love Transcends, an initiative by Cosmopolitan celebrating the strength, wisdom, hope, and joy of the trans community as they navigate romantic relationships. Through interviews and personal essays, trans individuals share their experiences of dating, relationships, and love amidst challenging anti-trans legislation and threats to personal freedom. Explore the full collection by clicking here.
Starting Your Dating Journey
As a trans person new to dating, it’s natural to have questions about how your identity might influence your love life and where to find fulfilling relationships. While there isn’t a single “trans dating experience,” many in the community share similar questions.
We’ve consulted top queer dating and relationship experts to address the most common concerns voiced by trans individuals. Their insights aim to guide you in building a rich, safe dating life. Remember, this isn’t a strict manual-your love life is uniquely yours, shaped by your needs and desires.
Sharing Your Identity
“This question is central to many trans people’s experiences on dating apps. It’s not just about strategy; it’s about safety, trust, and emotional readiness. There’s no universal method for dating as a trans person. Some feel comfortable sharing their identity on their profiles, while others wait until trust is established. All approaches are valid. What matters is setting the terms of your visibility in a way that celebrates you. You don’t owe anyone access to your story until you’re ready.” -Moe Ari Brown, love and connection expert at Hinge
Ensuring Safety When Meeting New People
“A lot of people start with trans- and queer-friendly apps, which provide anonymity if needed. I advise my clients to create a blank profile initially to explore the platform before filling it out. When meeting someone, choose public spaces to get to know them before moving to private settings.
Always inform a trusted friend or family member of your plans and check in with them after. If you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, try to leave and alert someone nearby. Most dating platforms allow reporting of inappropriate behavior.” -Shae Harmon, queer sex and relationship therapist
Disclosing Your Identity
“Disclosure timing varies based on numerous factors, including location and how you met. Some disclose before a first date to filter out incompatible matches and feel safer. Others prefer to wait until there’s a meaningful connection. I recommend disclosing before intimacy and having that conversation in a public space for safety.” -Nathan Serrato, queer love coach and founder of Queer Conscious
Finding Love as a Trans Person
“Absolutely! Some people may not be open to dating trans individuals, but if someone can’t accept us fundamentally, why be with them? Smart dating is about attracting the right person, not everyone. Life is too short to convince someone to love you. The right person will love you for who you are.” -Kara Chang, trans dating and relationship coach
Finding Trans Dating Partners
“Many trans individuals prefer T4T (trans for trans) relationships for shared understanding. While only dating trans or nonbinary people can limit the dating pool, it strengthens connection. Places to meet other trans people include local queer/trans meetups, queer speed dating events, dating apps, social media, and online groups.” -Harmon
Recognizing Genuine Interest
“When identity is fetishized or misunderstood, it’s natural to question if interest is genuine or experimental. A major sign of being fetishized is if someone focuses solely on your transness. You are more than your labels and history. Pay attention to their language-do they ask about your passions and beliefs, or do they fixate on your transness? Being curious isn’t the same as being ready to love. You deserve someone who appreciates your identity and inner world.” -Brown
Difference Between Attraction and Chasing
“Trans-attracted people seek long-term relationships, are secure, and respect trans individuals. Trans-chasers often seek discreet encounters and objectify trans people. Healthy attraction empowers, while chasing dehumanizes. Knowing the difference fosters a respectful dating culture.” -Chang
Staying Open and Safe
“As trans individuals, we’ve had to be resilient in ways others may not understand. We must protect our vulnerability to avoid harm. Notice your body’s response when with someone new. If you feel relaxed, it’s a positive sign.
Start relationships with micro-vulnerability. Share small truths and observe their reactions. Safe people won’t rush your story; they’ll respect your pace. Allow yourself to pause or change course if needed. Softness means staying open to those who honor your peace.” -Brown
Building a Supportive Community
“One of the best ways to remain hopeful is by building a supportive queer and trans community. Such a community boosts confidence and provides stability. Research shows many LGBTQIA+ relationships start as friendships, so nurturing these connections may lead to more.” -Serrato
Leading with Pride
“You deserve relationships where your identity is celebrated, not just tolerated. Managing others’ discomfort can be exhausting. Lead with pride-talk about your relationships with joy and respect, without needing to justify them. Remember, your transness isn’t a complication; it’s part of who you are.” -Madison Werner, LGBTQIA+ advocate and the first trans face of a CoverGirl beauty campaign
For additional resources tailored to the trans community, click here.