Imagine this scenario: Your partner is thrusting into you, hitting all the right spots. You’re on the brink of climax when suddenly they stop, leaving you yearning for more. This is known as orgasm denial.

This practice involves getting yourself or your partner to the verge of orgasm and then pulling back before climaxing, explains Stefani Goerlich, LCSW, CST, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and kink expert. It often includes a power exchange typical in dominant/submissive (D/s) scenarios, says Gloria Brame, PhD, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and sexologist. The dominant partner might use orgasm denial as a form of teasing or punishment during a scene.

In some cases, orgasm denial is a long-term decision not to climax in specific situations or at all, adds Goerlich. In a D/s dynamic, the submissive may only orgasm with the dominant’s permission.

The ultimate aim of orgasm denial is to enhance intimacy and desire. “The more sexual tension you build up, the greater the final orgasm will be,” Brame states. This concept is akin to edging, but they differ significantly.

Edging involves delaying orgasm to prolong the experience, says Carol Queen, PhD, a sexologist and sociologist. Unlike orgasm denial, edging does not involve withholding permission to climax. A dominant may prevent a submissive from climaxing for extended periods, impacting the body’s response by preparing it not to come, says Brame.

Orgasm denial can intensify a sexual experience or the orgasm itself. The anticipation built by delaying climax can leave one feeling highly aroused and eager. By arousing your partner and then withholding relief, you increase their craving for orgasm, explains Brame.

This technique has roots in tantric sexuality, which teaches extending passion over time. After achieving orgasm, people often feel less aroused, but by engaging in an edging process, you can build endurance and prolong sexual encounters, says Goerlich.

Our bodies can become accustomed to sensations, making them less intense over time. By taking a break from orgasming, you can increase their intensity when you finally climax, adds Goerlich.

Orgasm denial can be practiced during various sexual activities, including penetration, fingering, or oral sex. It can also be done solo, with gadgets, or in more structured scenarios like using chastity devices, which can enhance the play, especially over extended periods, explains Queen.

To introduce orgasm denial, start by discussing it outside the bedroom. “Sex should be mutually pleasurable and consensual,” says Goerlich. Discuss what appeals to you about orgasm denial and establish mutual understanding and boundaries, suggests Queen.

Familiarize yourself with BDSM dynamics if engaging in power play, and negotiate limits to ensure both parties are comfortable, advises Brame. Use safewords to communicate if things become overwhelming.

Begin experimenting with short denial periods before ending with a climax, suggests Goerlich. Techniques like countdown methods can add excitement.

For a new experience, try denying orgasms during times apart, which can enhance the anticipation of reuniting, says Goerlich.

After engaging in orgasm denial, aftercare is crucial, especially after intense experiences. This phase helps partners transition out of the scene and address any lows or “sub drop” that may occur, Goerlich explains. Prepare for aftercare with warmth, hydration, and light snacks, and check in with each other afterward to discuss the experience, Queen advises.

If you enjoyed the experience, consider extending the denial period next time. Good things come to those who wait, as they say.