I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost two years, and everything has been wonderful. We’ve even discussed the possibility of marriage, and she truly is the person I want to spend my life with. About six months into our relationship, we visited my parents, and it went incredibly well. She often shares photos of us with my mom, and whenever my parents are in town, we all enjoy dinner together.
The problem is, she hasn’t informed her parents about me. Initially, I thought she was waiting until our relationship became serious. Now that we are very serious, I find myself feeling confused and a bit hurt.
She has a complicated relationship with her parents and doesn’t share much with them. She hasn’t mentioned any past boyfriends to her parents either, so I don’t believe this is specifically about me. When I broached the subject, she reassured me that her not telling them isn’t about me-it’s about her relationship dynamic with her parents. Nonetheless, it still stings.
How can we move towards marriage if her parents are unaware of our relationship? Surely, at some point, she needs to tell them. Am I being unreasonable? I don’t want to issue an ultimatum, but I’m reaching my limit.
Your feelings of hurt and confusion are understandable; it’s difficult not to take this personally. However, she might be genuinely committed to the relationship. Consider other aspects: Does she introduce you to her friends, and do you spend time together with them? How about her siblings? When attending events, does she refer to you as her boyfriend?
If she’s not hiding you in other parts of her life, it’s more likely that the issue revolves around her relationship with her parents. Not everyone has the same family dynamics.
Her parents might be difficult, or they might try to control your lives in an unwelcome way. Alternatively, she might worry they won’t approve of your religion, job, or another aspect of your life, possibly trying to protect you.
Your girlfriend likely has valid reasons for not telling her parents. Nonetheless, she should share those reasons with you honestly. Until now, it seems her explanations have been vague, leaving you anxious and confused due to a lack of clarity.
Consider telling her, “I’m struggling with the fact you haven’t told your parents about us. Understanding your specific concerns might help ease my anxiety.”
If she hesitates, you can gently encourage her by saying, “You can trust me. I won’t think differently of you, and if it relates to me, I promise not to react negatively.” Though it might not be the case, imagine if she experienced a traumatic event and her parents dismissed it. This could explain her reluctance to share with them and with you.
While this scenario may not apply, it illustrates that there could be valid reasons for her reluctance to involve her parents or to share everything with you.
Regarding the possibility of an ultimatum, hopefully, it becomes unnecessary if she opens up about her reasons in a way that eases your concerns. If she doesn’t, or even if she does, setting a timeline for when she will inform her parents might be reasonable. For example, Agreeing on a three-month timeframe. If she still hasn’t disclosed your relationship by then, you might need to reconsider your future together.
Despite these challenges, it would be unfortunate to end something good.